sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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