i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
