I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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