Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
