I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
