The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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