well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
