I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
