Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need to sanitize my soul.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
