Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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