My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
