Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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