i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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