What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
