Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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