i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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