uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We are all done wearing pants today
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
