I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
