It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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