My liver just broke up with me...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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