i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
