So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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