I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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