boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
