Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize
