is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
