I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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