I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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