You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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