Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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