dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
