I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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