Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
