ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
