if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
