my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
