I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
