went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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