His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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