you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
