I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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