Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
