Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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