I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
