Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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