I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
