I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
