I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
