I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
