You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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