That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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