Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
