He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
