dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you had me at cake vodka
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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