You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize