Redeem this text for a blowjob
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
