Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
