so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize