Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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