i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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