VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
