stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
