i wish my penis had a tongue
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
