I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
