Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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