I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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