I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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