Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
