On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
now i know why i became what i already was.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
